According to an article published by DNAinfo.com, a group of painfully self-important Manhattan residents are in the early stages of forming a loosely organized rabble of discontent. Equipped with an undeserved sense of entitlement and connected by a cavernous emotional labyrinth of invariable displeasure, the cognitively pathological rabble opposes the city's plan install audio signals that would help guide blind individuals as they cross busy and often dangerous intersections.
The ragtag syndicate of wealthy, Upper East Side troglodytes seem determined to derail the city's effort, which city planners hope will reduce blind people's risk of getting violently run over by the city's sociopathic motorists. Despite such benefits, the irrational, judgmental horde contends the menacing nuisance of a plan threatens to unjustifiably disrupt the posh, unnaturally serene inner city enclave.
"A spectre is haunting America's Urban Nouveau Rich -- the spectre of blind people," declared Joseph Waspy, the amorphous rabble's informal leader. "This burdensome ensemble of dependent wretches," he continued while shaking an enlarged photograph of elderly widows with cataracts, "are seeking to exploit our all too accommodating welfare society!"
Waspy, who fears the signals will interrupt his efforts to concentrate on achieving his lifelong goal of becoming the manifestation of putrid solipsism, defended the rabble's undeserved sense of entitlement at Community Board 8's public meeting last Wednesday. The meeting culminated in a lengthy Q & A session that lasted six hours, during which over a dozen amoral douchenozzles shamelessly regaled an obviously dismayed group of elected officials with a multitude of long-winded, meandering reasons for opposing the effort.
"I know blind people sometimes might need to cross the street," said one particularly loud contributor to the herd's cacophonous vocalization of discontent, "but their selfish unwillingness to stumble dangerously into an angry torrent of city traffic while trying to get from point A to point B should not get in the way of my vague, half-assed interest in pursuing pottery."
"Yeah!" another gesticulating windbag added quickly, "those low-pitched beeping noises are really going to interfere with my ability to cultivate an awkward relationship based on perfect silence with my already-estranged teenage son."
As the meeting came to a close, the future of the plan became increasingly uncertain, with several local officials repeatedly shaking their heads in disbelief. Meanwhile, disability rights activists, also disgusted with the whole scene, attempted to alleviate their headaches by sorrowfully resting their foreheads in the palms of their hands.
Steve Harrow, Assistant Professor of Political Science at NYU, was also saddened by the rabble's behavior, which he described as the result of an "astonishingly selfish inability to entertain a crucial requirement of any healthy civic society - empathy." Attempting to make some kind of meaning of the whole shitshow, Harrow speculated that the self-important horde's opposition to the plan may be "the most instructive example of how local democracy becomes destructive and useless whenever rich assholes spend their free time engaging in the public sphere."
